Wednesday, November 26, 2014


When you are dealing with something like anorexia, or any eating disorder really, you have to deal with so much more than just the disorder.

"You need to eat!"
"What have you eaten today?"
"Is that all you're eating?"
"Have another serving!"
"A piece of cake won't hurt you, it will help you!"

Not only that, but then you hear.....

"You are so thin!"
"I wish I had your body!"

The doctors:

Eat six times a day.
Don't exercise. (That one is the toughest)
Keep a food journal.
See what you eat.
Eat slower / Eat faster
Calories are more important than anything.

You follow along. You try your hardest. You eat more than you have in awhile....& yet, for some reason, your weight continues to drop. What now?!?

Hey, if you read and blog, leave me your link so I can follow you!

Saturday, November 22, 2014

A Little From My Past - Part 1

My father never wanted me. Really. I can't remember a time that he hugged me or told me that he loved me. There aren't very many pictures of me as a child, except for professional pictures that my sister & I always did together.

The first time he slapped me, I was 5, and had just been told my grandfather died and that I couldn't get the strawberries that my babysitter had taken me to the store for. I didn't understa death. I wanted my strawberries! I cried. When he strapped me into my car seat, he slapped me so hard I still had fingerprints on my face for the funeral.

When I was around 10, I started getting a nightly spanking for "The things I had done during the day that I didn't get caught doing". (His words, not mine.)

On my 13th birthday, my present from him was him telling me that he begged my mom to abort me and that he still wishes that she would have. Great birthday, I tell ya!

He started beating me with a 2X4 soon after. My mother made him take me to the storage shed to beat me so she wouldn't have to hear my screams.

To be continued.....

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Introduction To Who I Am

Hi, there! I'm Jenn! Welcome to my blog.

I am a 33 year old mother of 2 boys and a girl. My boys, D & M, (respectively) are 14 and 12. My daughter, A, is 13.

I am (almost) married to the love of my life, P. We plan to tie the know next month. 12/13/14!!!

When I was 13, I developed anorexia. At 15, I started purging. The cycle continued until I was almost 19. I was hospitalized twice.

The first time, I was 86 pounds. I was 5'5" tall. That means I was in the 1% percentile of kids my age. Severely underweight. I spent 6 months in residential treatment. I was 16 years old. Two months later, I was back near 86 pounds..... Back to treatment, I go. I spent a year this time. Different place, more intense treatment. IV's, bed rest, no walking around. To go to therapy and group, I was pushed in a wheelchair.

When I was almost 19, I got married to my ex, & got pregnant! I knew then, I had to get healthy. Start eating more. I had a baby inside me to think about! I was right at 100 pounds. When I gave birth, I was 120. I didn't sweat my weight then..... I was too busy!

My ex & I split when A was 3 months old. I had my eating disorder under control. In my eyes, I was fine!

About 5 months ago, everything changed. My therapist says it's because my brain finally was mature. (Your brain continues to grow until you are between 26 - 35.)

Anorexia came back like an old friend that you never wanted to see again. This time, it brought its good friends depression, anxiety & good ole PTSD.

This is my story: I hope you stick around.


P.S. - Comments are always welcome, but please be nice.